On progress and its price

I wish I could absolutely tell myself that I am getting better. As in tell off my all my doubts and fears. I should know this, yet somehow the doubts creep back in.

In a way, I proved that I am getting better today as I went out to lunch with James and Normand. This involved travelling approximately 850 meters (selon Google Maps) to a burger joint on Côte des Neiges in the wheelchair. This was largely self-propelled with a little bit of assistance from James dealing with some obstacles crossing Van Horne. Coming back, I asked for a push for about 100 meters near the end. Of course, an orderly later told me off for not having first cleared the jaunt with my physio and my O.T. 

Last Thursday, I walked about 170 meters, including 50 meters in one go. However, there was a price to pay as during the O.T. session in the afternoon, while taking off the “boot” on my left foot, I swore “tabernak” when the Velcro straps caught on the gauze bandage for the umpteenth time. A little later in the session, the O.T. asked why I was “à fleur de peau”? I was definitely tired as it took me about of minute of thinking to formulate my response, which was what does “à fleur de peau” mean? To put the question into context, I have been reasonably fluent in French since 2nd grade but had never encountered the expression before. It seems it means being overreactive. From Google: “En son sens propre, l'expression « à fleur de peau » est une locution adverbiale qui désigne la surface de la peau. Dans le langage courant, c'est le sens figuré qui est davantage utilisé. Être à fleur de peau veut dire que la moindre sollicitation entraîne une réaction exacerbée chez la personne dont on parle.” I was then able to say that I was tired of Velcro catching on the bandage. I was also a bit tired from the morning’s work.

And of course, I was tired of still being in the condition that I still am. I still have a badly damaged leg, the same as I’ve had for four months now. I know I’m getting better, but I am so tired of the process.