On progress and perspective

On Monday, I had the occupational therapist flip down the footrest of my wheelchair to see if my left knee might bend enough to use it. Sure enough it could, so I am now using the footrest rather than the leg rest. Progress.

On Thursday, during the doctors’ rounds, I asked if I might see X-rays of my fractures. They said yes, after we finish the rounds. About an hour later, I was asked to go to the nurses station where they had brought up on a computer screen some of the X-rays they had taken when I first arrived here at the end of November. I found them interesting as well as a bit relieving as the tibia wasn’t quite as badly damaged as I had imagined at certain times. I was a bit shocked when the images made realize that five of the six long bones in my left limbs had been broken. Perspective.

Also progress, as it has taken me this long to ask to see my X-rays. When they were taken, I didn’t want to see them.

Today, I went downtown where I went to my usual barber for a bread trim and hair cut. He was temporarily located a few doors up the street in a tattoo parlour. I have been frequenting his business for over twenty years in which time it has had at least four addresses. I also did some shopping in light of leaving the hospital for at least a few days. North Hatley for Easter and then the home experiment.

On an act of love

Last Friday, I had left a message on the Mole’s answering machine asking him if he would kindly stay with me on my first night at home. Saturday night, he phoned back. I was a bit surprised by what he had to say. He did not think that me staying in my condo was a good idea. When he had seen me at the top of the stairs, he felt very worried for me. He was quite clear and insistent on this, even after I had said that I understood his concerns and would weigh them very carefully. As I was already tired from the day’s exertions, I didn’t want to discuss the matter further, let alone decide one way or the other. So I said that I understood him and that I took his firmness and determination to get his point across for the act of love that it was.

Since then, I have realized that I had been viewing next week’s trial homecoming as something of a rubber stamp formality. After much thought and discussion with the occupational therapist, I am thinking of it as an experiment and one which I will weigh the results of with lots of care.

Oh, yes. Just for the record the Mole was and is willing to spend the first night with me.

On a stationary bike and getting closer to home

Where to start? *Sigh* This is not going to be easy.

Towards the end of today’s physio session, the Physio asked if I wanted to try using the stationary bicycle. I said yes with all but tears of joy. It took a bit of adjusting and fiddling, but I managed to get astride the Cateye Ergocycle 3200. I have no words to describe the feeling of being on something resembling a bicycle again, even it was just a step-through stationary one. Unfortunately, my left knee and ankle aren’t flexible enough for me to fully rotate the pedals, so I just rocked the pedals back and forth in something close to a 270 degree arc, possibly less. I got the Physio to take some pictures.

After lunch, I had a session with the Occupational Therapist to discuss returning home. I am afraid I was remiss in not having thought hard enough about it and not having discussed the timing of it with those who might help. I think I was too fearful of disappointment to hope. The OT said it really could be any time now, at least the trial “weekend” which, it turns out, doesn’t have to be a weekend.

This proved a bit weird as aside from this weekend, the two next weekend have their own peculiar challenges, viz. Easter and the Eclipse. I had been strongly thinking of making my first overnight trip to be going to North Hatley for Easter for a couple of nights and then going out the following Sunday to be in place for the Eclipse on April 8. This makes the weekends too busy to try settling in at home in the condo. The OT suggested that maybe I could do it on the 2nd and 3rd of April, or so. I will have to discuss this with interested parties, but who knows?

While I really want to go home, I am anxious and nervous about it.

On some follow-up

A few posts ago, I mentioned at meeting with some of my fellow condo members. The meeting was held and the other members were quite supportive of my return. They were all willing to help according to their means, e.g. some of them have jobs and the like. It was gratifying.

While my team and I were in the condo on Tuesday, Alexandre, who lives just below me and has keeping an eye on my mail, happened to come by his condo even though it was a work day. We said “Hi” and “Long time no see”. I was mildly disappointed that Jacques wasn’t around.

This afternoon, I was told that after weeks of trying, my doctor here finally made contact with the doctors at the General. The good news is essentially that they haven’t forgotten about me and that I am still on the list of “urgent” surgeries to do. (At least that is what I was told.) The bad news is that they don’t have anything like an actual date or even vague idea of a date.

On visiting home

I am struggling emotionally these days. My leg feels shackled to a ball. Everything seems extra complicated. Even the weather seems perverse. After a warm spell last week, today has alternated between relatively heavy snow showers and sunshine.

I think I had been keeping my expectations low about the home visit to avoid disappointment. Of course this may have explained why I didn’t feel great joy once I made it up the two long flights of stairs into my hallway. At best, I think I felt a sense of relief. I sat down at my computer desk while the Mole the Holy was shown by the Occupational Therapist and her intern, the best way to manhandle my wheelchair up the stairs and into my condo. 

The OT then put me through my paces, sitting down and getting up from various articles of furniture, including the commode, most from my crutches. She also had me do various tasks in the kitchen and the dining area. There a couple of minor hiccups. First one was getting up from the living room sofa with its new slip cover. It was rather low, so I moved my rump so that I was sitting on the arm of the sofa and therefore high enough to easily use the crutches. There was moment on my was up when one of my crutches slipped a bit, but I managed to keep upright. The second one was the fact that the futon in the media room was too low for me to get out of using crutches. Luckily, the wheelchair fit in, somewhat to my surprise.

On the whole, the OT was satisfied with the condo and me. I was less so.

To be frank, the place was a slovenly mess when I left. James put a heroic effort into tidying the place so the cleaners organized by Alice might be let in by Mummy. I am not happy that it was such a set of Herculean deeds to get it tidy. I also dread having to sort through the boxes that James put the random clutter into, mostly because of the character flaws they demonstrate, but also because of my current physical condition.

On crutches, more

I have done well with crutches. I once did 11 laps of the gym without sitting this week. In preparation for Tuesday’s home visit, I climbed the equivalent of 3 stories in an actual stairwell using one railing and one crutch. Not that either of those accomplishments were easy. I was particularly tired after climbing the stairs. Furthermore, I find my legs are full of stiff and aching muscles much of the time. 

Still, it is easier to walk distances with the crutches than with the walker. Admittedly, at times I get a bit confused as to where I am in the sequence with the crutches and pause while I sort out which foot or crutch should be moved next.

It says something about my physical shape and my behaviour around things that I was given permission to keep the crutches in my room over the weekend in order to practice walking. Of course, I was a mite disappointed that none of the staff in the hall really commented about me walking with crutches today.

In other news, I have realized that I have witnessed several waves of fellow patients go through their rehabilitation here. As if to reinforce the point, I changed roommates yesterday. My fourth roommate left to go home to let his stump heal. A few hours later, my fifth roommate was installed. She in turn then went home for the weekend, leaving the room for myself for the weekend.

On a change in pleas

I got a phone call from the RCMP this morning. It seems that the driver changed his plea to guilty for the two most serious charges viz. Failure to stop after accident causing bodily harm and Dangerous operation of a motor vehicle causing bodily harm. The charge of Mischief under 5000$ was dropped.

Sentencing is to occur October 4th, 2024. I will not be required to go to Moncton, though I will probably be required to make a victim impact statement which can be done here in Montreal.

I am not at all sure how I feel about this.

On crutches

I woke this morning feeling rather low for various reasons. I cried over my oatmeal at breakfast. Things just felt wrong.

After a full set of upper body exercises on the Hoist machine, I went to my physio session. I expressed my low state of mind to my Physio. I also showed her the Mole’s pictures of the Condo. This may have triggered something as after doing some exercises on a bed with a large ball, she had me try to climb the test staircase using a crutch under one arm as if I were going up my inside staircase with only one handrail. This went quite well. So well in fact, that she then got a second crutch and asked me to try walking with them. That went very well. Admittedly, while I was using them, she asked me: “Are you afraid? Or are you sure?”

“Somewhere in-between.” Was my answer. However, I felt better for using them.

Addendum:

I went down to the gym after lunch to do some laps with the walker. After two laps, the Physio asked me if I wanted to do my laps using crutches. I did two more with her in close company, then another with her in more distant company, before doing another entirely on my own. I started another lap but quickly realized that I was sufficiently tired that I couldn’t use the crutches reliably. It was too hard to remember which step came first. I went back to wheelchair and switched back to the walker. I did another five laps making for a total of eleven, four with crutches and seven with the walker. That is a record number of gym laps for yours truly.

On a disadvantage of my view

My room has the advantage of good views of the Martin Luther King, Jr Park as well as the Lindsay’s parking lot. Unfortunately, this has proven something of a double edged sword as twice this week my supper has been disturbed by what I have seen.

On Thursday, I saw some youths attempting to steal a Communauto car. I yelled at them to stop, filmed them with my iPhone, called the police and had my roommate alert security. A security guard chased them away. The police came and took my videos and my statement. A few staff members thanked me for my vigilance as there been incidents of theft from and of cars in the parking lot.

Tonight, I saw a car fail to stop in time for a pedestrian crossing the street. The pedestrian went over the hood. He seemed to be okay as he got up and left fairly quickly, possibly after exchanging a few words with driver. The sight caused me to cry out sufficiently loud that an orderly hurried into my room to see what was the matter. I explained, pointing out the car and the pedestrian. I also explained that pedestrian-car collisions are currently something of a trigger for me. I had also feared the worst and was ready to summon rapid medical assistance which he could have initiated. Thankfully it wasn’t needed. The orderly offered a few kind words of comfort.

On a good day on the whole

After waking up this morning, I had a flash of inspiration. There will be a meeting of my condo association tomorrow. As I am inching nearer possibly getting home, I should first let my fellow condo residents know that I might be returning and second ask them for some support in the matter, as I would be dependent on others for some time.

When I went down to the gym for my morning exercise, I made a point of asking my occupational therapist if we might have a meeting before the condo meeting. I also asked my Physio what sort of questions I should ask. Her take was interesting. She said that she had few concerns about me getting around in my condo, but that I would be dependent on others for getting in and out, as well as groceries. Not necessarily them, but they may be able to help.

I later emailed the members of the condo association to add my item to the agenda. I also asked if someone would measure the distance between the railings on the outside staircase. Jacques did so, and I was pleasantly surprised that they were only 104 cm apart.

Of course, there is no guarantee or real timeline about all this, so it might just be moonshine. However, it has me feeling good. Also, I got some good exercise in today and the Mole came by for a visit.

On being a step closer to home

Yesterday’s physio session got a bit preempted by poor planning. Consequently, “all” I did was a lot of exercise rather than what had been forecast, namely more practice at stair climbing. I had even prepared for the event by getting a Google street view shot of my front staircase on my iPad to show the Physio.

Earlier, I had finally managed to do something that I had wished to do for some time, namely a Lindsay 500 with the walker. One circuit of the gym is 50 meters, so 10 circuits is 500 meters, hence the name. It was demanding, but I did it.

The morning had other benefits as I flagged down the wheelchair maintenance person to tell him I thought my tire needed pumping up. While I was using the Nu Step machine, he took my wheelchair down to his lair and to my later surprise, replaced the wire spoke wheels with fangled plastic spoke wheels. He also said a lot of the parts were a bit loose. Not all that surprising after 3 months of use.

This morning, I did a few laps of the gym with the walker. I then did a full regimen of exercises with the Hoist weight machine. In the afternoon, the Physio guided me through some standing exercises, then asked me to try climbing a flight of stairs in the stairwell which were closer in width to my outside staircase. I put my weight mostly on my right arm staying close to that side. With some effort, I went up a full flight of stairs! I was practically crying for joy! I came down with much greater ease. I thanked the Physio saying that I felt that I was a step closer to home.

Of course, I wouldn’t want to do it without someone to “catch” me.

On it being the six month anniversary

It is now six months since my life was shattered like my tibia. Six months of hospital food. Six months of pain and tears. Six months of fixations in my tibia. Six months of the assorted indignities that hospitalization for my injuries mean. Half a year of my life has been disrupted and I don’t know when it will get back to something resembling my old life. 

One of the things that I try not to think about is whether I will be able to get back on my bike. My left ankle has a very limited range of motion. Will it get better? Furthermore, I simply don’t know if my psyche will let me ride in comfort. I rode with confidence anywhere from quiet tracks to huge cities, notably London and Madrid. Now…?

Cycling is a huge part of my life, my identity. This blog is proof enough of that, but as well my email is moosebike@gmail.com. I sometimes call myself Bikemoose. Has the collision taken that from me?